How I Quit Comparing and Started Loving Life

Are you one of those people that like practical, applicable steps of action? I sure am! I thought I would share How I Quit Comparing and Started Loving Life because this is an area I’ve discovered some steps to take that really do work (for me anyways) in overcoming this negative hurdle.

I believe it would be impossible to address comparison effectively without also addressing jealousy. The two usually go hand in hand, so I’ll be talking about that a little bit in this post as well.

“Don’t Compare”. “Comparison is the enemy of contentment.” We hear it all the time. We know comparing our selves and lives to others isn’t a good thing. What’s even worse is when we compare our selves and lives to a fantasy life we thought existed, or that our lives would be like.

The “comparison trap” is so slick that many times we don’t even catch ourselves slipping into it. I used to do this! It’s almost as if my mind would run away on autopilot before I even have a chance to realize I got on the big, tricky comparison bus. Do you ever do that too?

Have you ever noticed that after comparing that a whole bunch of crappy feelings can follow? Disappointment, feelings of inadequacy, sadness, jealousy and then, one of the worst feelings of all, maybe even feeling unfavored by God?

I’ve been here. There’s times I probably should have set up a mailbox because I lived there for awhile!

How I Quit Comparing and Started Loving Life

There are five things I have found helpful to get out of that comparative place, and to remember when comparing is becomes a temptation again. These are things that have helped me to remember and learn as I process comparison.

Number one.
Trusting in God’s love is first.

Awhile back we had our oldest two enrolled in a Christian school for two semesters. One day as I was taking them to school I could tell my eldest was deeply disturbed. Apparently he was challenged by a boy at school and the deal was they would both go home and see who could do the most push ups. My son was grieved because he could (only) do 114 and apparently his competitor could do 230.

Such a silly thing to let ruin his day that was just beginning, right? But when you think about it, we do the same thing!

Here’s what I told him (and I tell myself when I feel myself going down that ugly comparison road).

It doesn’t matter what we have, what our special achievements are, how well we can do this or that, how popular or unpopular we are, how big or small our house is. God loves us. We don’t have to be more anything, because of Jesus and what He did for us on the cross God’s love for us is unconditional.

Just because He’s given something we’ve been praying or working for to someone else doesn’t mean He loves them more and us less.

Number two.
God knows best. I think sometimes our hearts and our minds don’t always line up. Our heart is longing for one thing, but our minds are telling us another. We think we want a specific thing in our minds, but deep down in our heart of hearts we know that would not make us happy-or better yet-God knows it would make us MISERABLE.

The thing is we don’t always know what will make us happy. This is another example of why we trust God.

Here’s an example; for years, most my parenting journey, I felt guilty because I wasn’t a specific kind of parent. I would look around and see mom’s that were the kind of parent I thought I should be. I worried all the time, will my kids be able to achieve their goals and dreams in life since I’m not like “those” other moms?

Then one day I realized that the things I was viewing as faults were not actually faults but qualities, and that it wasn’t by accident God gave me and my husband the children He did. I realized maybe God wanted some more people that had some of the same qualities my husband and I have because I started noticing that the kids were picking up these qualities.

Number 3
If you are struggling with comparing yourself to someone you think is better or has something you desperately want…get close to them.

All too often we humans have a tendency to see the roses, but choose not to see the thorns that come with them. And all too often if we saw the thorns beforehand we would have chosen a different flower.

Have you ever gotten yourself into something and realized that had you known more about it beforehand you would have chosen a different path? Boy I have!

When it comes to a situation where we see someone has something we’ve been wanting, we have a great opportunity to learn! Think about this, if you get close to the situation or person you are comparing your self or situation to you are likely to see some cray cray that comes with whatever it is you think you want or should be. One of two things will happen. You might walk away thanking God that you aren’t like them/don’t have what they have!

There was something I once wanted so badly and for over a year I sought it and worked for it. I prayed and prayed for it. But it just didn’t manifest. As time wore on I ended up more despondent, and heartbroken. One day, I heard a sermon on the radio. The pastor was talking about this very issue.

He pointed out that when this kind of thing happens it’s because if we got what we wanted it would keep us from doing something else we were meant to be doing. I realized this is what was happening and I began looking for what God DID intend for me instead.

Let’s just say I found it, and it makes what I thought I wanted look pale now. What God had is waaaaaaay better!

But let’s say the opposite happens. Let’s say whatever it is IS for you. In that case you will see the spirit and mindset that got them where they are and you will learn about the thorns that will come with whatever it is and you will be more prepared. This brings me to Number 4.

Number 4
Let’s talk about when comparison can turn into a good thing. If you catch yourself thinking “They____[fill in the blank]____and I don’t”, perhaps this situation has presented itself (or caught your attention) because it’s something you SHOULD be doing!

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”, Proverbs 27:17

Maybe you are comparing when what you should be doing is becoming.

Instead of walking away feeling less than, maybe it’s a situation you should be walking into, and examining a little closer because what you’ve seen is for you.

Number 5
Sometimes, there is something we long for so deeply. For some it can be something they have waited hard, struggling years for, and cried many longing tears for. If there is something good your soul aches for, or that you desire so strongly to be, I can relate!

There have been more than one season in my life where I’ve prayed, longed and waited for a good thing to take place. Continuously cycling through the steps above always helped, but I also found two verses that strengthened me through years where I was waiting.

“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

“……You who remind the LORD, take no rest for yourselves;      7And give Him no rest until He establishes……..  Isaiah 62:6-7

Another thing that I learned is that in a couple instances there were inhibiting beliefs that were not Biblical that I was hanging on to that were keeping me from putting the steps in motion to becoming/achieving my dreams.

Again, this is where a closer walk with God will reveal hangups we might be holding onto that are holding us back.

Number 6
When I was in my early 20’s, shortly after my step dad passed away, someone gave us From Prison to Praise, by Merlin Carothers. Although there are so many times I’ve forgotten to put the concept to practice, I’ve never forgotten the book. And when I do remember to put the book to practice it makes all the difference in the world.

After reading that book I became a big believer that almost wherever we are, there is something to be gained. Not too long ago we were in a difficult living situation. It had gone on for years. Every day brought annoying time taking struggles, extra work, and it all seemed so unnecessary. Pretty much every day was a test of patience and gratitude!

The only thing that got me through the days is when I would go through and count my blessings. When I would do this it would give me the strength I needed to do the extra work, and face the annoyances. I got pretty good at this! Every so often I would crumble, but gratitude is what helped me get back up.

There is so much to be said for gratefulness. I could write pages. But I think that simply put, so much comparison would not exist if we were able to look at all God HAS helped us become, all He’s helped us accomplish, and all He has given us, and just feel thankful.

Gratitude is like a muscle. If you haven’t practiced or “exercised” it then it will be weak to start out with, but don’t give up! The more you work it the stronger you get at it!

Lastly
Comparison can breed envy, which is sin. If you are struggling with comparing, tell a Godly friend you can trust. Sometimes all we need is the strength that comes from having another Godly friend praying with/for us to overcome a struggle.

If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy my other FAITH posts HERE, including How To Pray When You’re Struggling To Forgive.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow…. ” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

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