Why It’s Important To Apologize To Our Kids (When We Mess Up)

When I started this blog, I knew there were going to be a couple controversial subjects that I would not be able to resist writing on, this post could be one of them. I’ll start by saying I’m not an expert parent (is there such a thing?) and I’m not a therapist. You can read my full disclaimer HERE.

I realize that for many parents out there, this is going to be a non-issue. Apologizing to their kids when they mess up and wrong their child is a no brainier. But, there are other kinds of parents out there.

Some parents are simply afraid to apologize, because they fear doing so might confuse their kid. They might worry their kid will figure out a way to play them and fret that their child may loose respect for them.

The other kind of parent is the one who never really realized apologizing when they mess up is a “thing”, or that it’s as important as it is.

There is a third kind of parent, they are the kind of parent my husband and I are very familiar with, it’s the kind of parent that doesn’t believe they ever need to apologize because they are “the boss” or, the “God appointed authority”. Since I’m fairly certain these parents are a minority, and because I’m just not sure there is much that can be said to help this kind of parent, I won’t discuss them in this post.

I think most of us can all agree, parenting can be hard. There is not one parent out there who is going to get everything right all the time. Everyone of us will fail this parenting gig at times.

Sometimes, we mess up and because of how we were raised, we don’t even realize we’ve messed up! I encourage everyone reading this to know signs of emotional abuse because emotional abuse is a real problem in so many homes, and is often times the unseen reason why you see family members that can never get along.

When a parent messes up, doesn’t apologize, and moves on as if nothing happened, this is a form of emotional abuse, with long term negative side effects. It teaches (by example) bad behavior. And that’s not all. Here’s what else it can teach kids;

1. It teaches kids their parents claim perfection, which models to the kids to do the same.
2. That there is never a need for one to evaluate their actions.
3. And it teaches kids to ignore their own hurtful and bad behavior, and to just move on when they do wrong.

Perhaps this right here is one reason why we sometimes see teens and adults who are unable to take responsibility for their own actions?

On the other hand, when we mess up as we surely will, and we acknowledge our behavior and apologize, we are teaching our kids three major positive life lessons.

1. One is that we are not perfect, we are human, just like they are.
   -From my own personal experience, I can tell you that apologizing has a way of teaching kids to have empathy and compassion.
2. Second we are teaching them that we evaluated ourselves (as we are told to do in 2 Corinthians 13:5) and that what we said was wrong (they already know this deep down- but they were probably confused because their parent being wrong is a difficult concept especially for young children).
3. Thirdly, when we apologize we are teaching them how to swallow pride and handle things when we mess up-which they will too.

As parents, we are our kids role models. From their earliest age our actions are showing them how to and not to behave.

There are two Bible verses that I believe apply to the point I’m trying to make.

So then, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you will be healed. The prayer of a good person has a powerful effect,

Words of Jesus,James 5:16

AND

“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 

Words of Jesus, Matthew 5:23-24

This could be considered scriptural gymnastics, and I could be considered “reaching”, but to me, if this applies to one’s brother in Christ, how could it not possibly to apply to our most precious children? And, is that not what we are raising them to be, our brothers and sisters in Christ?

When our kids face situations in life their first instinct is likely going to be to handle things how they saw us handle those same situations-or else to go into shell’s and allow themselves to be treated poorly. Maybe this is how cycles are created in families for bad and good?

As parents, we are equipping our children. The question is, if we never see the importance of apologizing to them, what are we equipping them with?

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.”

Jesus-Mark 9:42

As parents, we do not want to equip our children with millstones! We want to, and we have the opportunity to equip our children with tools they will need for life. Saying “I’m sorry” is a tool they are going to need! Let’s lead by example!

Want more help on this subject? I’ve included some links below for you to explore.

Poem; Children Learn What They Live
http://www.empowermentresources.com/info2/childrenlearn-long_version.html

Suspect you may have been emotionally abused? Start Here;
http://luke173ministries.org/

Suspect you could be being emotionally abusive? Start Here;
http://www.wordsbykim.com/contents/How-To-Stop-Being-Abusive.html

Have you enjoyed this post? Subscribe to Singing A New Song’s bimonthly emails and never miss a post or delightful deal!

    

	Subscribe to our mailing list
	
    
    

    

    

Please note, your information will be kept confidential and never shared with third parties, we take your privacy seriously!