Today I’m answering a subscriber question and sharing The Irking Problem With Femininity.

“Could you please do a video on femininity?” was all the comment said. I was so taken back and shocked that I deleted the comment. You see, I do not see myself as a very “feminine” woman so when the comment came through I honestly thought I was being insulted, and that the person was suggesting I need to learn to become more feminine-which was a line I heard from childhood. But then they asked again. I realized, they were asking this question on one of my more popular videos, Tradwife vs Christian Wife, and I realized the person really wanted to know my thoughts on the “femininity” trend that has been sweeping social media.

Today it’s time I share a little bit more of my story with you, and some chapters of my life that are a little more difficult to share.

I’d like to first tell you that if you are following me because I wear dresses and you think I do so for femininity purposes, I’m really sorry to disappoint you. The reason I wear them is because I’m allergic to the nickel in the snaps that are in most jeans. If it wasn’t for that, I’d probably wear jeans all the time.

I do have some beliefs surrounding the topic of women’s attire, and femininity though. To understand my thoughts on “femininity” you first need to know where I come from.

My Upbringing

I’ve seen a few talks on this topic of “femininity” lately, and “Biblical Femininity”. The concept is far from foreign to me.

In all the talks, especially ones on “Biblical Femininity”, the women preaching on it seem to be completely unaware that women like me and stories like mine exist, so allow me to share my story.

Growing up, I wasn’t like the other girls I knew. My parents divorced when I was about 2. Until I was almost 5, I spent all my time with Grandma and Grandpa. They had grown up in the great depression, lived during WW2, and Grandpa fought in Korea and had PTS. I spent a majority of my time with my teen aunt and uncle until my mom remarried and we moved to the wilderness.

I wasn’t raised like other girls. My childhood was rough and often traumatic. I’m not comfortable sharing everything, all I will say is I was raised hard. Very hard. Most people we knew had no idea how hard home life was for me.

But there were good times too and so I’d prefer to focus on those today.

I remember the instant I got into the woods around age 5, I felt like I had found heaven.

It was in those woods I first remember feeling love for Jesus.

Starting at about 5 I had two friends, older boys that were 5 and 8 years older. They were like big brothers, and we would spend the summers fishing, swimming, and riding dirt bikes through the woods, finding old mines that we would look for gold in. We never did find any. Those brothers were dear and so kind to me. I had always felt like a burden to everybody, like an annoyance, but they didn’t make me feel that way. They actually enjoyed having me around if you can believe it! Those were some of the most fun summers of my childhood.

The most like a princess or “girl” I remember being treated by anyone though was when I was 7 we met a family whose mom made their girls dresses. Shortly after we became part of a meeting of a group of people that we would meet with discuss Bible topics and potluck with.

So around then, mom started making me pretty dresses. I did love those dresses! A couple even had petticoats. Those were my favorite! I liked to put them on, dress up and play princess, and I loved playing Barbie dolls with my best friend.

The rest of the time I was happy hiking, or racing wild through the woods with the boys, playing a game we called”King of the Tire”, and climbing as high as I possibly could to the top of trees, and arm wrestling the boys. This drove my mom nuts. So many times I heard, “why can’t you be like the other girls?”

Of course, that could have partially been because at first I was doing all those rough and tumble things in the dresses she labored over. I liked those dresses for church, but as soon as the meeting was over I remember begging her to let me take them off. Eventually she gave up and let me get back into pants.

Through these years, the group of people we met to fellowship with grew, and we built a place to have our gatherings where everyone would come together once a month for , and for Biblical Feast days for such as Passover, Tabernacles, and Pentecost.

My step dad, nor my biological dad who started coming around alot from age 12 on, knew much about raising girls. My bio dad was about as macho as they come. My step dad was a survivalist type.

What my dad’s did know was how to raise a good and moral person. Both of them were always so proud of me when I showed honesty, strength, character, and when I hit the bullseye while target practicing. They told everybody, they were so proud!

Meanwhile, mom taught me how to cook, clean, make bread, and my step dad taught me how use a hammer, throw hay, butcher chickens, among other things that girls typically don’t do. Sometimes I went to work with the guys, cleaning the newly constructed homes, and even one time helping build a foundation.

I was a country girl to the core, and I loved it. As a teen I liked sewing pretty dresses and putting them on for awhile for the groups we would meet with. The rest of the time I wore “grubies”. Either skirts or cargo pants that usually had holes in them, and I worked hard because there was hard work to do. Thing grunge era.

It wasn’t until I was 17 and made a new friend, she the girliest kind of girly girl from California, and she helped me see being a girly girl could be fun too. She taught me things about makeup, and other things girls know, like how to use an eyelash curler.

Around this time, remember that group that I told you about that we would meet with? Well, a couple of the women got mad because a couple other women would wear jeans to the meetings often times. Apparently they felt this was “provocative” and argued that jeans were “mens clothing”.

Next thing we knew, their husbands called together a “mens meeting” to request the owners of the building we would meet at to establish some rules for the gatherings. Two of the men whose wives were angry that some women wore pants said they wanted there to be an established dress code rule for the women, and that they had to wear only dresses.

That went over like a lead zeppelin.

The gatherings immediately disintegrated to nothing for awhile. It was very saddening! For me, this was the only place I had friends to see regularly. Eventually they picked back up, but more on that later.

A couple years later, at 20, my step dad passed away.

I was instantly thrust into helping to provide for my mom, and little brother who was 7 years younger. When the man of the house dies, somebody has got to do their best to fill those shoes. So my brother and I did and we didn’t even hesitate.

Turns out all those years of being a tomboy were to come into good use.

We had next to no money, and choices were slim.

My little brother and I went to work with my dad’s construction crew building homes. We didn’t make much, but it was a job. We were helping to build log homes, from the ground up. We learned concrete through roofing.

Our income level was poverty and life was very, very hard.

When wood had to be split for the fire we had to do it. We learned to use chainsaws, skill saws, chop saws, table saws and nail guns.

Meanwhile, we, with my mom and at times some friends help, finished our house that my step dad and mom had been building.

We had old vehicles, and my truck would break down often, so I had to learn a little about mechanics. It would leak oil and so I had to learn how to clean the engine so it wouldn’t catch on fire, and do some basic things.

Eventually the hard work started getting to my back. So I started praying for a more ladylike job and almost immediately the Lord provided me one working at a grocery store.

Still the income was very low. When my truck would break down in the parking lot, I’d have to try to fix it. We seldom could afford to pay anyone for anything.

Opportunities to be “feminine” did not really exist, aside from wearing makeup while cleaning my truck engine and running saws.

By then, the church meetings had picked up again, and the women and other girls who were the ultra feminine type didn’t seem to know what to think of me. The boys didn’t either. I remember the phrase “tough as nails” being used to describe me once.

I remember being very lonely, but I had my Bible and it always brought me comfort.

My Adult Life

My adult life brought more trauma. I always thought that once I married I would get to be a “lady”. I was 25 when I married and I was actually looking very forward to getting to be a “lady”. I was tired of the way life had been, and badly wanted to settle in to wifehood, and motherhood. I wanted that “feminine” lifestyle!

Boy was I in for a surprise.

Straight out of the shoot, my husband was never taught how to treat girls, his mama was raised hard, a lot like me, and I think the only time I saw her in a dress was for our wedding. She is one of the toughest, hardest working women I’ve ever met.

So my husband was unaware in some ways of how to treat a lady.

To give you a little example of what life was like for me when I got married, my husband expected me to kill my own snakes just like his mama did. We lived in Missouri, and so there were a lot, a lot of snakes and he was seriously stone faced serious that I was going to be a snake killer like his mom.

I wanted so bad to be a “submissive” wife, and at that point I had already been putting up with quite a bit from his family. I was horrified at that point though. You see, I’m quite terrified of snakes. Like very scared of them. So, not only did I say “no” but it was more of a “hell no” and I informed my husband he didn’t know how to treat a girl.

His family didn’t know either.

My husband eventually learned how to treat a lady, he’s a wonderful husband and I would not trade him for anything.

Not everyone did though, and as a result I’ve been grossly disrespected by some extended family as a woman and a mother in ways that would make your jaw drop, and I’ve had to fight and fight hard at times for what God has given me, including my marriage and even motherhood.

Suffice it to say, life has never really provided me a whole lot opportunities to be what would be considered “feminine”, in fact it’s quite the opposite.

This used to bother me a lot.

It doesn’t really bother me anymore though. Here’s why.

I learned to trust God more than I used to.

Many times in my life I’ve felt like God favored others over me, because of how hard my life has been at times and some of the things that have happened. I would compare myself to women that seemed to have “princess” lives.

Girls whom the Lord gave opportunities instead of hardship in their youth, who had been “treasured” by those around them from childhood to womanhood.

Women who married and ended up with perfect homes, and had family support.

It was evident God loved those girls, He treated them like “princesses”.

But not me. Compare to them I always felt like chopped liver.

I’ve finally learned that God doesn’t make mistakes though. I’ve learned He doesn’t love me less. He has been preparing me.

This preparation didn’t start with me either. My great grandma was Serbian, and she survived WW1 in her country that was ravaged by Austrian soldiers, cholera, and famine. Science has found that when a woman goes through trauma like that it get’s programed in her very DNA and passed on.

This could be some of why two of her three daughters (including my grandma) went into the military.

Sadly, Grandma passed away in her 30’s leaving three young daughters behind. As you can imagine, this made life very hard for her daughters (my mom and aunts). Their child and teen years were also hard.

The women in my family on both sides have faced tremendous hardships. The luxuries of “femininity” are not something we know a lot about. We know how to survive though, and we’ve all learned to stand up for what is right in the face of adversity.

But that does not mean we are not God’s “princess daughters”. Quite the contrary.

This may sound silly, I know it will, but the way I see it now is that the Lord see’s me as his warrior princess’s who is raising children who will be brave enough to speak truth and stand for righteousness, and He is helping me encourage other women to do the same.

The Irking Problem With Femininity

Interesting to note, the word “Femininity” isn’t in the Bible. You can look for yourself! I have learned in my life that whenever there is a word or concept that isn’t clearly outlined in the Bible, that there are people who absolutely LOVE to to create their own belief system out of the grey area.

I’ve seen how this “modern femininity” trend has started to take off lately. I understand why it is taking off. I do see there is an attack on women and men, and their roles.

But I think this modern femininity trend is not the answer, I don’t believe there is balance in it.

What Is in the Bible

I’ve seen a lot of people, mainly women, try to tie the Bible into this modern femininity trend with emphasis on wearing “modest dresses”.

That’s it. There is some talk on submissiveness too. But mainly wearing “feminine” dresses to show they are submissive daughters of God.

Without exception, the basis for their belief comes from the teachings of Paul and Timothy for how women should dress and act in Church. The In Church part is something they all seem to miss though.

Funny story, it was an older southern preacher man that pointed out to me one time that if you read Paul & Timothy’s teachings in context, like we are supposed to do, their teachings were for how women were to be IN CHURCH.

It’s also important to realize that a lot of Paul’s teachings about women were reflective of what was going down in history 2000+ years ago. Back then, the world was very different then it was now, and it was extremely dangerous for people to be gathering to worship Christ. In fact, it was so dangerous that chaotic, loud, or disorderly meetings (which some verses suggest were starting to take place) could have drawn the wrong eyes and resulted in immediate persecution.

It’s important to realize some of that may have had a little to do with Paul’s teachings about women in church.

It is also critical to know the Bible has more to say about women then just Paul’s writings. There are verses that speak directly of women that it seems all the femininity women like to pretend don’t exist.

In Judges chapters 4 and 5 we have Jael, who won a battle for Israel by driving a tent peg through the enemy kings head after using her “nurturing” wiles to lull him to sleep with a glass of warm milk.

Also in Judges we have Deborah, a female judge, who helped the timid men of her people win another battle over enemy forces.

We have my favorite, The Proverbs 31 woman, who was so noble and trustworthy that her husband trusted her completely. She took care of her family, had a job, and provided for her family. We are told she worked “vigorously” and had “strong arms”.

By reading the Bible, we can see that God makes women in all kinds of types, like He does with men, for specific purposes to His Glory.

I think that ‘The Irking Problem With ‘Femininity’ is that it lacks balance and promotes a confusing, sometimes manipulative, superficial type of character that puts emphasis on wearing a dress instead of doing the types of work the Lord has for us to do.

The femininity trend isn’t authentic or sustainable for most women. The word isn’t even in the Bible and yet we have people building a new religion upon this word to the point of it becoming cultish.

Are we going to forget that women have various walks of life, and jobs, and are we going say to women like me, who don’t favor bugs hopping up our dress while we are in the garden or cleaning the chicken coop, that we are godless and trying to be like men because we put pants on?

Are we really going to sit around in dresses and say that a woman isn’t feminine if she puts on a pair of insulated overalls so that she doesn’t freeze while doing winter chores for the animals that feed her family?

What’s wrong with just being a real, simple, Godly woman?

It seems like it’s being forgotten that the Bible was written to both men and women. Yes, there are some verses specific to both genders. But as a whole, it is written to everyone.

Yes, women are called to submit to their husbands but we have to be careful even with this as the story of Abigail and Nabal and Ananias and Sapphira show us. From those stories we can see that still are expected to follow God above all.

We also need to remember that we are ALL called to speak the truth in season and out of season, 2 Timothy 4:2.

Yes women are called to dress modestly, but we are also called to work hard as the Proverbs 31 woman and 1 Timothy 5:8
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

Some people love to say this verse pertains only to men and I hate to disappoint those people but this is simply another one out of thousands of places in the scripture where the word “he ” is used but if you look it up in the Greek (SEE FOR YOURSELF HERE) it includes females.

I would also like to point out Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Conclusion

I think a lot of this modern femininity trend is women who have too much time on their hands. I notice many of the ones pushing it don’t have very many children to work hard for. It appears their husbands make enough for their family so their lives get to be pretty simple-as in they don’t need to be like the Proverbs 31 woman and work too.

Instead of working hard like the Proverbs 31 woman and filling their time with caring for their family, selves, and others, they are getting caught up in appearances in order to appear righteous.

I think a lot of women who don’t know their Bibles, but that are searching for answers are becoming confused. I’ve seen threads where women are wasting time arguing that wearing pants is not what a “Godly” woman should do. I’ve known women who were hell bent on believing that a woman wearing pants was a sin because of Deuteronomy 22:5. 

“A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.”

Friends, in Bible times when the verse was written, all of the attire was alike, they were all like what we would consider dresses today! What I believe the Bible verse was talking about was crossdressing.

As always, it’s the heart that God is concerned with.

I think that people are getting so caught up and distracted with “femininity” that common sense is beginning to wane. One woman I noticed recently bought into this trend so much so that she was so concerned and wanted so badly to be more feminine and she was asking for tips for wearing her dress while she was doing the farm chore work on an open tractor. I hope I don’t need to explain why this is such a dangerous idea!

So my conclusion is that “femininity” isn’t supposed to be our goal. Godliness is our goal. Wearing a dress, changing our voice to be “soft and quiet”, none of this makes a woman “Godly”. It makes her an actress.

What makes a woman a Godly woman is seeking the Lord, reading her Bible, obeying the Lord, praying, and doing her best to walk in righteousness is.