Empty Nest? You Are Still Valuable & Needed

I still remember the moment I walked into her space. It was sectioned off, apart from her husbands space. It’s where she spent all her time, reading romance novels. She spoke of her grandchildren, there were 5. As I glanced at the stacks of novels, some measuring 2 feet high, my heart sank.

Knowing she had lived a full life, had experiences, stories, and grandchildren nearby, yet was choosing to spend her life stuffed away in this little room reading novels got me thinking “What’s up with that?”.

Why would she do this instead of choosing to spend time with and enrich the lives of her grown kids and young grandkids?

I thought about my own life as a new mother, two little children. Somedays I felt so lonely, my grandma was nearly 2000 miles away and although we had the most special and fun conversations by phone it wasn’t very often (back then it was expensive for both of us to make calls).

My MIL lived nearby, but as amazing as she was, she was a loner and never really wanted to be an integral part of our lives, in her own words she just wanted to be “left alone” and she accredited this to her childhood experiences.

In contrast, I remember Nana. I was going through a rough time, and Nana “adopted” me. Knowing I had no encouragement she would regularly call me. I will never forget how when I asked her what she had been up to…the stories she would tell. Nana filled her day’s with encouraging young women like me, in addition to encouraging the women and girls in her own family. She would even help her daughter homeschool, and she was always involved with helping her grandchildren.

Eventually we drifted apart, but I will never forget the impression she made on my life.

I made up my mind then that I knew what I would do when my kids left the nest. I decided that someday I’m going to be like Nana.

I think that for many women who’s children have left the nest or who don’t have children, they would like to be more helpful in the lives of loved ones with kids, but they just don’t know where to start and they are afraid of stepping on toes.

So I’ve compiled a list of idea’s for anyone who would like to be more active in the life of their daughters, daughters in law, grandchildren, nieces, or anyone else who’s life they feel called to enrich.

Empty Nest? You Are Still Valuable & Needed-Here Are Some Idea’s To Get You Started

Tell Your Stories
I’m going to start with your stories. If you don’t know how you can help, let me just tell you a story!

Growing up I had four grandmothers. Two step grandma’s and two biological. One of the step grandmothers was completely un-involved.

The other three, however, they helped make me who I am today, even tho they might not realize it. To this day I can remember their visits and our times together. The stories they would tell of days gone by and of their childhoods, and my parents childhood still ring in my ears. And they mean something to me. I now retell the stories to my children. My only disappointment is I wish I had more of their stories.

Share Your Recipes & Teach The Kids In Your Family/Life to Cook
I still remember cooking with my grandma’s. The special times, the funny moments. Every time I go to make the recipes I made with them I remember the special times in the kitchen with them and tell the stories to my kids when we cook those recipes together.

Give A Call/Or A Text
Everyone is always afraid of calling people with young kids, for good reason! No one wants to wake sleeping babies. If you’ve tried to call a daughter/granddaughter before and they don’t pickup very often, try texting. You can always ask, is texting or calling better for them? But try to call or text them once a month just to see how they are doing, and never underestimate the power of really listening to them! If you have been through something they are speaking about let them know, and tell them you understand!

Caveat; sometimes it’s tempting to give advice in this situation-which can teeter into hurt feelings. To keep this from happening try to just lend your understanding ear and try to hold the advice for when it’s asked unless you feel a strong urge to share. Most the time people are just looking to vent anyways.

Give A Special Or Needed Gift
Are you a gift giver by nature? If a need isn’t obvious right away, you can always ask “Can you give me a list of needs to select a gift for you from?”

I’ve got family members that do this and we are so grateful for them and all they do for us!!!

Acts of Service
Is doing things for your family something you are good at and enjoy? Well, let me just tell you, if you want to be nominated for sainthood this is something you can do, acts of service! This one can be a bit more tricky-and for some isn’t possible because of distance. But if distance isn’t a problem, never underestimate the little things like bringing over a casserole, popping in and maybe folding some clothes or doing a pile of dishes for your grown daughters/daughters in law/grandkids! This is especially helpful if someone in the family just had a baby!

So many older women are afraid that doing little things like this could cross into meddling. I know a lot of daughter in laws fret because every time their mom in laws come over they clean something and the daughter in law wonders “Is she doing that because she thinks I’m a bad housekeeper?”

I think communication is the key here. If you are afraid they will see your attempts to help in the wrong way, try giving them a call and saying something along the lines of;

“I remember how hard it was when I was in the stage of life you are in. I would really like to help out. What do you have that needs to be done around the place right now that I could help with?”

Most women are terrible at accepting help like this, they always feel like THEY should be helping YOU. So when I would like to help someone, what I like to do is just ask them if it’s okay if I come over anyways and ask for a good time. Once there I just go look around in obvious places for something that needs to be done. In my experience bathrooms always need the most help and leave friends raving (in a good way) about the friend that cleaned their bathroom for them!

To conclude, if you are a grandma or an aged woman that would like to contribute to the next generation but hasn’t been able to think of ways to do so I hope this post helps gives you some idea’s. Is there more you’d like to add? Please do! Drop a comment below! And please, remember you truly are valuable, and so very needed!!!

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