Discover 6 Ways To Reconnect with Your Spouse

If you are feeling a little more distance between you and your spouse than you would like, or if you feel like things are good but you are one of those couples that love fortifying your relationship then Discover 6 Ways To Reconnect with Your Spouse is for you!

This post is co-authored by my husband, John.

Intro

We remember it distinctly- and can see it especially clear now with hindsight.

We were at a crossroads. It wasn’t the first time at this particular crossroads either. Unfortunately we had been at the same spot a few times before. It’s the crossroads where you know there’s a little wedge between you and your spouse and you and chose to ignore it because you don’t think talking about it will do any good. At times before we choose the crossroads of basically remaining indifferent.

We are now convinced that this must be one of the worst things for a marriage. We had reached a point years ago where we were both beginning to see this.

If you are in this place, I think we’ve got some solid tips for you to try out.

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Discover 6 Ways To Reconnect with Your Spouse

1. Acknowledge You’ve Got Some Work To Do & Commit To Doing The Work

For us, and I think this could work for many people, this meant looking to ourselves to put forth some effort and humbly take a few steps towards the other with loving actions-instead of expecting the other to step forward first.

2. Try Date Nights

These might be super awkward at first if you haven’t dated your spouse in awhile. We remember a time when our family was still young, we had three little kids, and we were out on our first date in years. We had become so disconnected that it was awkward, we didn’t know what to say as we sat there with our menu’s.

After that, I (Shayla) came up with a plan….this leads us to tip 3!

3. Date Like You Dated In The Beginning

Chances are when you were getting to know your spouse you both had some questions for each other.

Now that you know each other a bit better it can be a little more challenging to think of questions for each other but we can assure you that you’ve still got some things to discover about each other!

After our (albeit awkward) date, I (Shayla) decided not to let that happen again (I’ve always been a natural innovator).

So right before our next date night I put my thinking cap on and came up with a list of questions for John. I had questions like, “If you could snap your fingers and have the life you truly wanted right now, what would that look like”.

If you are having trouble thinking of idea’s I’ve got some great news, did you know there are couples conversation starter games, cards and books available?

4. Compliment Each Other

This might take some work. You might be so disconnected that you have to think about this. If you are having trouble, here’s a tip; text your spouse a few lines from their favorite love song!

Another tip is to watch your spouse, pay attention to them during those breaks in the storm of busy days and you’ll likely find something nice you can compliment them on.

5. Learn Your Spouse’s Love Language

If you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman we highly recommend learning more about it and taking the 5 Love Languages Quiz. This has been such a helpful resource for hundreds of couples and families.

I (Shayla) am so thankful I knew about this before we got married because if I didn’t I would have missed all the love language cues John gave since his love language is different than mine. Also, since our love languages are different we have to remind ourselves of this fact quite often!

Learn more about the 5 Love Languages HERE and take the quiz HERE.

6. Stop Letting the Sun Go Down on Your Anger

If you and your spouse have a quarrel, commit to making things right with each other before going to bed. This can be tough if you’ve made a habit of going to bed angry (or sad). But Matthew 5:23-24 speaks of immediately going to fix things if you know somebody has something against you, Matthew 18 speaks of lovingly speaking to the person that offended you, and in Ephesians 4:26 were told not to let the sun go down on our anger. We’re convinced that when we do the anger takes root and can do some serious damage. Misunderstandings and offenses have too much time to “simmer” and then set.

It can be really hard for some people that have trouble expressing when they have been hurt. There can be so many variable reasons why they struggle with this. Perhaps this is why both parties-the offender and offended- are commanded to work things out together in scripture? When both the husband and wife determine to work issues out before too much time passes it becomes a lot harder for walls to go up and wedges to take place.

There are some situations that are not possible to completely work through and that take a bit more work. So if you are facing a situation like this and the day is ending then at the very least it’s a good idea to hug and agree that you both will commit to working on whatever the issue is you are facing.

Have you and your spouse ever found yourselves in a place where you felt disconnected with each other? Did you try any of these tips to work out of it? Or are there other tips you’ve used to reconnect? We’d love to hear them! Please share below!

~John & Shayla

If you enjoyed Discover 6 Ways To Reconnect with Your Spouse you might also enjoy our other MARRIAGE RELATED POSTS HERE.

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