Ever since we learned our oldest child has attention deficit disorder (without the hyperactivity factor) I’ve been learning more all the time about ADHD, learning disorders and how to effectively teach around them. Recently our second child was diagnosed with ADHD (with the hyperactivity factor) and since then our knowledge of ADHD has greatly increased. I decided to write ADHD Fact and Fiction Plus Our Story for others out there that are dealing with what we have been and who are looking for answers.
My hope is that the information here will help others who have an ADHD child navigate through the early phases of learning their child has it, and go on to find the right choices for their family.
So let me tell you a little bit about what we’ve been learning.
NOTE; SINCE THIS POST WAS WRITTEN I’VE BEEN LEARNING EVEN MORE ABOUT ADHD. I’M CURRENTLY WORKING ON A POST LOADED WITH TIPS SO BE SURE TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTERS SO YOU DON’T MISS THAT POST WHEN IT COMES OUT!
ADHD Fact and Fiction Plus Our Story
The ADHD Facts
Here are some things about ADHD that I learned HERE and found particularly interesting;
- 1/3 to 1/2 of the parents with ADHD will have a child with it.
- If a parent has it their child has more than a 50% chance of having it.
- If an older sibling has ADHD a younger sibling will have more than 30% chance of having it.
- There is no known causes for ADHD.
- Although there is no known cause, exposure to lead, PCB’s and pesticides may play a role and some researchers believe that toxins do play a role (coincidentally our family used to live in the Midwest and we were regularly and heavily exposed to pesticides).
- Studies and understanding of what is happening in the ADHD brain are always increasing. More recently it’s been discovered that dopamine levels in the ADHD brain are different than in a neurotypical brain. READ THIS STUDY HERE.
- Science has proven the ADHD brain is different, and that it’s a real disorder. In THIS POST I shared a graphic and links with that info.
- Medication is not the only option-and no-every therapist/dr. does not push this option (we were actually told it likely be a bad choice for our eldest).
ADHD Myths
I’ve been creating a little collection of crazy things people will say to me and that I’ve heard about ADHD since learning our oldest son has it. I’ve decided to share some of the common myths some people actually believe about ADHD and have said to me!
- Once somebody tried to laugh ADHD off as a “learning style difference” when I told her of our struggles with it.
- Another person was actually offended that I wouldn’t believe her when she tried to convince me (twice) that my oldest son’s ADD was a “made up disorder” and that his learning struggles were “normal” for boys.
- Some people believe only boys are diagnosed with it.
- I’ve met people who believed it is just a lack of discipline- that people with it need to “get their act together” and that all parents need to do is be more strict with their kids. 😲
- Some people believe it’s a made up disorder created to sell more drugs.
- Some think the only purpose for a diagnosis is to get medication.
- Some think medication is the only option health professionals offer.
- Some people think that it’s primarily “female” teachers pushing ADHD medication for the rowdier boys that are “simply just being boys”.
ADHD Fear of The Unknown
I think these myths around ADHD could be part of why so many parents are afraid to get their child diagnosed.
I get it. I used to be too! It can be really scary and saddening to realize something might not be quite normal-or what is commonly considered as normal– for your kid.
There are so many stigma’s, false information, misinformation, and misunderstanding around not just ADHD but all mental health issues.
Of course there is also the fear of the unknown too. That’s what I’m hoping this post can help parents with today.
One of the biggest fears for parents that I hear is they don’t want their child medicated-and they mistakenly think that the only reason for a diagnosis is so they can get medication. They fear this will be pushed on them should they pursue a diagnosis.
Our Story
According to WebMD, ADHD runs in families and I’m 99.9 % sure my boys inherited this gene from me. In my early 20’s I learned that I probably had it, but I never really thought much about it again until 10 years later when I began trying to teach our oldest child.
We were having such a difficult time that eventually, desperation helped me overcome my fears. I knew something wasn’t right. I made some calls and was able to find a special education specialist who was homeschooling her own children. By this time I was pretty worn down and very worried about my son and our future homeschool journey, and I was so alone!
After the consultation the specialist confirmed that it was in fact ADD we were dealing with without the hyperactivity factor, and I remember feeling like I finally had answers and direction.
You can read the story of ADHD without the hyperactivity factor with our oldest son HERE.
A couple years ago we started experiencing some issues with our second son. His ADHD was displaying so differently though and so I felt like it took a long time to figure out what what going on! The in-between place of not knowing what was going on was starting to get really scary for us.
With him the issues were not necessarily evident in the academics area but in life and family situations. Some of the ways it was displaying for him include;
- The lights are always on for his brain-shifty eyes-he’s often in a hurry
- Accident prone-so many things are going on in his brain that he didn’t slow down enough to notice accidents coming
- Very big emotions-dramatic-therapy helped us realize these happen about the same time everyday and that this is common for ADHD kids
- Needed reminders to do the same things everyday
- Would often act without thinking things through
- He used to struggle with conflict resolution (we learned from our Dr. that kids learn this around ages 6 or 7 to 8 or 9, and if they do not it becomes very difficult for them to learn later)
- Was distracted and easily overwhelmed
Stepping Forward; A Clinical Diagnosis
Eventually I was confiding in a friend and she suggested he might be ADHD. I started researching it-I had only really ever researched ADD without the hyperactivity factor since that’s what our oldest had. It didn’t take long to find this video below, and after watching it I literally cried for my second son. This video explains what is happening in the ADHD brain, how it affects people, and it has excellent information on why it’s important to know this information.
As soon as I finished this video I called the drs office to make appointments for my boys.
Why I Wanted A Clinical Diagnosis For My Boys
What got me was when the Doctor giving this lecture spoke of how there’s help beyond medication-that there are coping skills kids with ADHD need to be taught. I knew from finding out for sure what was going on with my oldest son that with a diagnosis comes tools with how to deal with the ADHD. The thought that more to help people with ADHD has been discovered is a thought that had me at “Hello”!
In addition to this I wanted the clinical paperwork soon for my oldest because he would like to start trying to get his GED as soon as he can so he can get a job and start pursuing his dreams. Unfortunately, without a dr’s note he will not likely be able to finish a GED test within the given timeframe. He’s never done well with standard tests anyways because of test anxiety. I know it’s possible that it’s going to be hard enough for him because of test anxiety even if he has more time.
I’ve seen situations that ended very badly where kids had issues and who’s parents didn’t get them help or teach them coping skills. They tried old fashioned outdated idea’s that backfired, and not only do they regret it now but the worst of all is their kids are not in good places…either that or it took the kids years to find coping skills to get to a good place.
So essentially we got our second son diagnosed because we needed to know what was going on, and we needed support and education in how to best parent him.
When An ADHD Diagnosis Ends Up Being A Good Thing
If you have a child with ADHD it’s common to feel at a loss when trying to understand and help your child. The good news is you don’t have to go at this alone! There are wonderful options including coping skills and support available.
ADHD is always considered such a bad thing, and a bad “label”. But here’s the thing that so many people don’t understand; an adhd diagnosis can be a good thing if your child actually has it, because with a diagnosis comes help. I know there are parents that probably can go at ADHD alone successfully, but you don’t have to! There is help to make the journey easier, and more successful!
What To Expect If You Pursue Diagnosis
I don’t know if this will be different for everyone depending on their doctor- but I’ll share how the process went for us.
For starters our kids dr. used what is called the Vanderbilt Assessment Scale to diagnose our boys.
When they tested they didn’t only test for ADHD, but a variety of issues that could be confused with and/or similar to ADHD in ways.
If your child does have ADHD the doctor may recommend medications depending on the severity and circumstances. Our Dr did for our middle son but not the older. She also gave me a run down of the side effects and encouraged me to do my research on the medications.
I asked our Dr. about going gluten free first to see if that made a difference since our family has issues with wheat, and she said it would be a good idea to try to see if it makes a difference. She said our whole family should do it though because it would not work for just one person in the family to be GF.
I asked her for tips in how to handle some situations we experience with our middle son and she gave me a wonderful suggestion that is already making a night and day difference.
After that she referred us to a counseling clinic (at my request) so our boys could get some coping skills and so my husband and I could get some advice and counseling on how to help our son.
For our oldest son she asked some questions about exactly where he struggles in school and based off of his unique challenges she recommended some additional therapy which we are doing and is helping.
Currently both our boys are in therapy to learn how to manage ADHD and they are thriving with it-in fact all three of us are learning so much and it is wonderful!
Recently our second had his follow up the dr. asked if we decided to medicate or not. Since we are doing so well with the therapy we decided no meds at this time because they don’t seem needed. Our child’s doctor seemed very happy to hear this!
Note; If you find out your child has ADHD and that it’s causing struggles in school chances are another next step (if you are not homeschooling) will be an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). If you are homeschooling it might include accommodations and some adjustments to their school plan .
I just want to add that having a good doctor who is very knowledgeable in ADHD has been a tremendous asset and comfort to us in our journey. If your healthcare professional’s only suggestion is medication that you may need to find another one that specializes or is at least more familiar with more studies and treatments for ADHD because from what I’ve been learning this should not be the only treatment option given to you.
How & What We Are Doing
Currently both our ADHD boys have been through counseling which ended up being an immense blessing. We all learned so much that it was hard to keep up sometimes. The boys learned things like how to identify when they felt overwhelmed, how to handle overwhelm, appropriate responses, mindfulness, how to pay attention to what is causing them to be distracted so they can take charge, and so much more.
The gluten free part has been a little challenging-to be honest. We eventually went gluten free but were not able to continue, and currently we have simply minimized the amount of wheat we eat per week and focused on incorporating other grains. When we do eat wheat we try to make sure it’s organic and recently we went a step further and started doing homemade, organic sourdough bread since the sourdough fermentation process is supposed to make the gluten and wheat easier to digest.
In addition to his our boys first counselor gave us many medication free options and ideas to incorporate including diet changes, homeopathic remedies, supplementation, and she even suggested essential oils (she had no idea I have my masters in herbology and teach classes on essential oils)!
We have recently started learning Dianne Crafts Right Brain Integration Therapy. It’s too soon to know whether or not it is going to help, but we will keep you posted.
I hope ADHD Fact and Fiction Plus Our Story has been helpful to those of you needing it! Do you or a loved one have ADHD? I’d love to hear your story! Leave a comment or send me a message!
We will keep you posted as we continue this journey. I do have a video series I’ve started on the topic of ADHD and neurodivergent learners on my YouTube Channel too if you would like to follow that.
